February 1, 2021:
I was quite often asked “have you been running lately”... a question that after a while, to be honest, I found somewhat irritating. Running was such a huge part of my life, and became a part of Ed’s too. Running was something that took us on many adventures and brought so many amazing memories. Running was something that brought me a lot of joy and often let my mind go free. I’ve run several times over the last thirty two months but nothing like before Ed’s diagnosis. I knew that someday I’d slowly get back out there and do what I love. Brain cancer robbed my very active and athletic hubby from so much of what he enjoyed doing. It was mentally hard for me to get out and run when Ed could barely or no longer even walk. And what if I need help while I’m out, my guy couldn’t just hop in the car to drive and get me. Just stuff I really struggled with, besides the fact that I’ve been juggling so much and was just freakin tired. Ed would never want me to give up on something I loved doing and I knew once I got back out that it’d be bittersweet like so many things... the run would feel good but he wasn’t going to be home to ask me how it went, let alone be at the finish line for future races. But today was the day, my “first day back” I guess. I put on one of his favorite shirts from one of our many run adventures and was excited to get out in the rain and talk to him. The fresh air felt great and I know he was already looking down on me, he said he would be. I miss him terribly but today I’m grateful for my run because I know he’s flying free alongside me. I love you honey.