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The Holidays Look So Different

Updated: May 6, 2021

Christmas Eve Caroling:

Thanks to our amazing friends for bringing us some special holiday cheer outside Ed’s window yesterday, it was awesome. Love you guys!


Christmas Day // December 25, 2020:

Everything looks and feels so different this year, for everyone. I hope you were able to embrace some peace and joy of the season. Despite our deeply sad circumstances, we feel an incredible amount of love, joy, and peace surrounding us. My honey has been sleeping almost all day but I was able to wake him for a couple very special moments. Here’s a video I thought I’d share from last night, Christmas Eve, as I read a message to Ed. // Love you all and I wish you a very Merry Christmas.


New Years Eve Thoughts // December 31, 2020:

“How’re you doing?” “How’s it going?” I don't always know. I curl up in my blanket a lot. I'm tired. Tired of smiling when my husband is dying. Tired of holding onto the joy in the pain. Tired of crying. Tired of envisioning the future. Tired of thinking about how many days my boys and I have left with him. Tired of just watching him sleep. Tired of checking to see if he’s still breathing. Tired of already feeling lonely. Tired of watching his precious body and mind continue to fail him. Tired of feeling the weight of all our broken hearts. Tired of taking little videos because that’s all we’ll have. Tired of trying so hard to remember the past. Tired of standing in the kitchen and having visions of him walking around the corner. Tired of being strong. Tired of being told how special our love story is when he’s going to be taken away. But I’ll never be tired of the tiny moments of love he still shows in his few words, gentle ways, and his smile. I’ll never get tired of that. #cancerfuckingsucks


NYE Smooches // December 31, 2020:

He was awake enough to eat a little dinner and for me to plant a few sexy red smooches on him! (But I couldn't say "happy new year" and never did, it wasn't a happy new year but I was extremely grateful to be able to be with my guy, love you forever honey.)


The personal, joyful side of 2020:

Ed’s epic birthday tribute video + car parade // Cameron’s job as a landscaper // I read two books that I absolutely loved // Bought a new car // Had a great mini summer vaca in Plain, WA // An exciting backyard landscape makeover + brand new garage done by Cameron and the @fasoldtgardens crew // Ed’s buddies restoring his Dodge Challenger // A beautiful family portrait line drawing by @miriamtribe // Cameron + Carolyn celebrated five years together // Ed + I celebrated 24 years of marriage // Nathan’s resurgence of his love of skateboarding // Nathan + girlfriend Genevieve together // Sooo many quality outdoor visits with friends + family // I celebrated five years working @oiselle // My mom moved closer to us // Having my family together under one roof // Blessed beyond measure with so much love, prayers, and support surrounding us. Peace out 2020.

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