July 27, 2021:
Six months without my best friend. I look back at photos and videos from just seven months ago and wonder, did we really go through all of that? It’s so intense and sad and traumatic and surreal, all of it. There’s so much going on in my mind that I honestly can’t even think straight sometimes. I don’t always know how I’m feeling or how I’m doing, or how my boys are feeling. We wake up and we do our day. We find joy and comfort and peace in our home and with others but are smacked with so many bittersweet thoughts and feelings… it ebbs and flows all the time, in every moment. Grief, it’s exhausting. I deeply miss my family of four and I hate that Ed’s already missed out on so much life with the precious family he helped create. Six months that have felt like forever. It feels like a lifetime since I’ve seen him or touched his skin or talked with him. Six fucking months since brain cancer took my sweet husband away, my boys dad, and friend to hundreds. Life without Ed... learning and processing that it’s now a life of remembrance instead of presence with him. It’s heavy. Miss you honey.