December 10, 2020:
He stares at me and I stare back. I smile at him and he smiles back. He still flirts with me. I flirt back. He says I’m beautiful and I tell him how cute he is and how kissable his rosy cheeks are. He thanks me for taking such good care of him. I thank him for loving me so much all these years and for the life we’ve built. He makes me laugh and cry at the same time. He comforts me and I keep him comfortable. He fills my heart at the same time it’s breaking. // My honey has been in bed for a month now, his thoughts are very confused much of the time. So much of his memory is still sharp and his wit is still in tact. To be honest, when things suddenly changed last month I didn’t think Ed would make it to Thanksgiving but thankfully he’s still with us and he’s comfortable and still eating and drinking. He makes the boys and I smile each day, along with visitors and our hospice team. He’s not aware of the confusion and still never complains. He often talks about the things he wants to do or make for others. He’s Ed and he’s so sweet. Bless his heart.
December 18, 2020:
Feeling extra emotional today. I went from smiling and laughing at my holiday online happy hour to not being able to stop the tears. Oh the roller coaster that this all is. My love. Today my sweetie thinks we are all in Poland celebrating Christmas, the entire family... bless his amazingly huge heart... but it just breaks mine into a million pieces. We've never been to Poland but someday I will travel there and eat perogies and have my angel with me. I'm thankful he has such wonderful thoughts in his mind, but his poor mind, so confused. I miss him so much yet he's still here right in front of me, staring at me with his beautiful eyes.
December 20, 2020:
Thank you to my sister-in-law for capturing a few moments, I love these tender photos so much. Being Ed’s caregiver has been the hardest thing ever in so many ways, and we’ve had our fair share of frustration and being impatient with one another over the years as we figure out each day, each change, each need, but I’d do every single aspect of it forever in order to keep him here. Loving on my sweetie will come to an end soon and there will be the biggest void. I feel so incredibly close to him in every way possible. He thanks me for every kiss. I love caring for him so much.
