September 13, 2021:
Thank you to friends and family who sprinkled my birthday with moments of joy yesterday… it was a hard day but the overwhelming amount of love was felt and appreciated. And to my sweet boys who always treat their mom with so much care and love… thank you boys for taking me out to a very special dinner. Love you all.
September 14, 2021:
I remember as we started to plan our wedding, talking about how the place we wanted to get married at was only available the day after my birthday. We decided that having those two special days back to back for the rest of our lives would make them extra special. Ed joked that he’d never forget either one because if he forgot one then he’d forget both. I’ve always loved having my birthday the day before our anniversary but it’s all different now and I’m not sure what to make of it anymore. I had to turn myself off yesterday to just back off from what was too overwhelming of a day. I’m worn out from all the joyful moments being met with such emptiness and heartache because my person isn’t here to share things with. I needed him yesterday and I need him today. That’s the birthday gift I wanted that I couldn’t have and it’s too heavy to grasp sometimes. So I sit and feel like I should reflect and remember and reflect and remember but I can’t do that very well, my mind feels tired and scattered. We stood together at 23 and 24 years young and said our vows… in sickness and in health, til death do us part… so young and so unaware of what that truly meant and what life going forward had in store for us. Beautiful and devastating. Happy 25th anniversary in heaven honey… thank you for loving me so much and for choosing me to be your wife and best friend for all the days of our life together. I miss you.